Club Silicon

The pursuit of perfection (or, the death of productive creativity)

No fancy graphics this time. Just words.

I'm sure I've explained that I'm stopping the PC upgrades and constant reading about new gear and software so that I can focus on music. That is happening. But there's more to it than that. I've discovered that time previously spent doing something creatively productive (which includes more writing of posts like this one) is spent reading news about the economy or the game industry, or reading the fail blog for example.

This stuff, even more than kids, sucks your time away like nothing else before.

Before the internet there was email and BBS, and before that there were user groups. Personal interaction and even one on one time with yourself has been replaced with surfing the web and communicating with the outside world. Where before you read a single newsletter called "Nintendo Fun Club News" and your gameplay time was a single console, and discussing it was only done on the phone (which was limited) and at school, where you had no choice but to socialize personally (well, most had no choice), now you can explore the world from your toilet and gain a wealth of knowledge without actually experiencing anything firsthand.

In many ways this explosion of awareness has led to a more rapid acceleration of usability with all manner of devices. Case in point, I just got a Blackberry Storm. As I was looking for apps for it I stopped myself. What a waste of time. I could do this for the rest of my life and not accomplish squat. 

No more. I've got a backlog of DAT recordings. I've got an album to write. A guitar to practice. Game composers to interview. I've got about ten other projects that have been thrown by the wayside because of this new access to the world and its drive for bigger and better.

Enough. It is time to leave the rat race and not keep up with the Joneses. It is time to create a cocoon of creativity and limit communications to those my brain can process in a meaningful way. Those such as you, CS readers.

Correspondence

Taking a look at my inbox can be depressing. At least four people have asked questions about the album that I haven't yet responded to. Not good. Suneel provided me with a much better version of Hope II which I'd like to post, but I haven't gotten 'round to that yet either. Also not good.

Granted, with children and a day job a lot of people seem to understand the time sink. And I'm understanding that even though I've written Chip Davis (Mannheim Steamroller) twice I haven't gotten a response. But of course there's a bit of dissapointment. I don't want family, friends, or fans to experience that dissapointment.

Time really does seem to be working against you when you decide to live the American Dream (if such a thing exists).

Anyway, for those of you good enough to keep faith even with the lack of regular updates, I salute you. Keep on trucking!

Answer me this

Now that my family is at last moved in to our new place in Moreno Valley I'll be getting more updates and genuinely cool posts. Sorry for the delay all. Suneel I will most certainly respond to your inquiry about the new album, which sadly was also put on hold, but is definitely still progressing.

I need some help in answering a question about budgets and taxes. We're all aware that gas prices are going sky high, however I keep wondering not only the reason for the hikes, but also where this money goes.

At a 7/11 pump near work I happened to notice a sign that said 18 cents per gallon goes to the state of California. In addtion, I also read in an Orange County paper that said all music programs were going to be cut from local elementary schools because the state was going to make a budget cut of 19 million dollars.

Let's do some numbers. There are 36 million people living in the state of California as of the 2006 Census estimate. Of these 36 million, let's assume only half drive. Most likely the number is more, but for the sake of this argument let's say 50%. That equals: 18 million people who drive. Of this 18 million, let's say 12 million commute on a daily basis, 5 days a week. Let's also say that this 12 million buys one tank of gas per week, or an average of 30 miles each way to and from work. Let's say an average tank is 15 gallons accounting for trucks and SUVs. Now, for the math:

12 million x 15 gallons x 18 cents = $32400000. Yes, ladies and gentlemen, 32 million dollars EACH AND EVERY WEEK. How much per year? $1684800000. 16 billion dollars.

And that doesn't even apply to state taxes. Our roads are jammed and in disrepair, which requires municipal responsibility unless it is a highway, and even highways are also jammed and in disrepair as well.

So answer me this: where is all this money going, and why can't some of it go towards musical education in California schools?

I for one am writing my senator and representative about it. I encourage you to do the same.

"Sorry, Santa is booked"

Today my four year old was very much looking forward to seeing Santa Claus at the Temecular Promenade mall. We have been taking our children to see Santa for quite awhile. However today we encountered something unprecedented. At 11 am, a rep told us "sorry, we're booked. We can't allow anyone else in line. The wait is 3 hours from here."

We have waited over an hour for Santa without a problem, and the line in this case was about as long as the ones we have waited in before. However, never has anyone said that they can't continue the line. While I'm not weeping that Nicholas' heart was crushed, what were we to tell him, and more importantly, what about all the other people that were turned away? That kind of thing is pretty upsetting. We'll be writing to the paper about it. It's one thing to have a long line, but another to turn people away if you advertise Santa.

What does takeaway mean?

There are always Intangibles. But I haven't written about any in awhile. I just realized that I'm writing articles and columns and books that thousands of people have read, perhaps tens or even hundreds of thousands have read. And wow... that's cool.

However I just came back to earth and started thinking. How many of these people not only read these things, but... <a big pause here, I want to build it up...>

.... but remember them.

Incredible isn't it? It started a chain reaction in my head. How much DO I remember of what I read? How much is fluff that goes in one ear and out the other? Will you, beloved CS reader, forget this? My wife remembers a heck of a lot, more than I do, but even she forgets. I read a great deal, and sometimes when I read I get inspired. But it might as well be like listening to a song. You really get inspired sometimes by a song, it takes you away from traffic or something else you'd rather not deal with. Almost as surely as alcohol I guess. Anyway. Back to inspiration. Think about the last time something inspired you, and then think about how that inspiration fizzled out.

My inspiration sometimes comes from music, sometimes from IT, for different reasons. For music, it is because I want to write something cool that other people will like as well, sometimes because I am just plain vain. There's a good deal of emotion involved, passion for writing, singing, playing, all of it. For IT, there's an awful lot of emotion too, but not as pure, there's some thought inolved that sparks the emotion, not as much pure "feel" as music has.

I was reading an InfoWeek (here we go again, right?), and I know there were four terms in there that I never heard before. Then I remembered that the last issue of InfoWeek had something similar going on, and another end article by Rob Preston. Each consecutive read grew a feeling, and the feeling was "do any of these stories ever resolve?"

THAT is the connection, as thin as it may be, between music and IT. Music resolves. Not one of the things I read in IT resolves. Nothing says "BPM... just look at what it has done!" Theory, not practice. Not that there aren't success stories. We hear all the time about how much money people have made provided it is in the millions. We read every week about how many copies of Oracle have been sold or how many million users are projected to use RFID by the year 2030. Awesome.

I want to read more references. I just achieved a reference by reporting BACK on how well game audio education has progressed in a year and directly referenced specific schools. You'll read it in this month's Mix. However I haven't yet read in InfoWeek about something that was revisited as either a success or a failure. Slow down. Or at least let me meet the people who don't want it to slow down, and figure out how they can process so many new techs and new directions and new people in the world of computers. Or does one person just read one part of the magazine and write down the things that have any relationship to each other in a practical way?

To anyone who was able to read this and understand it... thank you. Let me boil it down for you: take that which has inspired you and try to keep track of it, IF it is important. Only you can decide if it is important. If it is, hold on to it, or try to remember it.

A great invention would be not just a personal organizer or a reminder system but something that tracks your inspirations and follows them to their fruition, either in failure or success.

American Healthcare

My experience with healthcare in this country has been rarely good. My first experience was when I moved to Austin, Texas in 2000. From the time I was 22 or so (1996) I developed an acute case of bronchitis for two to three weeks each year. When I moved to Texas I had the worse case of it since it began. It lasted a month, each day consisted of heavy hacking coughs every few minutes and morning rituals with the bathroom sink I won't even go into here.

I decided to go to a doctor. I was under an HMO for a company that Ion Storm signed up with, and a Primary Care Physician, who I had to see to be referred to any specialist. In this case the young physician saw me, listened patiently but unemotionally, and gave me a bag of Zyrtec to take home. Apparently allergies were the cause of the bronchitis.

I took the Zyrtec with no result. The bronchitis was still there. I then went to the doctor again who perscribed some antibiotics, and the bronchitis went away but resumed the following year. Same symptoms. I picked a different PCP, filled out many forms and made many phone calls. This time I thought a woman's perspective might get me better results. The lady again listened patiently but unemotionally and did the exact same thing the previous doctor did.

Frustrated and walking back to the reception area, I noticed a room lined with "thank you" letters from schoolchildren. Most of the walls were covered with them. I asked who the doctor was, and the receptionst replied "he's full". I insisted on an appointment, and apparently he wasn't THAT full, for he agreed to see me.

This doctor (regrettably names have escaped me) was different. I told him the stories of the first two doctors and immediately he said "we'll figure it out. We won't stop until we find out what it is." He sounded genuinely interested in solving my problem. He sounded, oh boy, what a concept, like he cared.

I was blood tested, X-rayed, and finally skin tested for allergies in the end. It turns out that it was allergies but only a series of shots would prevent the bronchitis from returning. At least in this case I knew I was allergic primarily to dust and secondarily to animal dander. It explained a great deal about my previous episodes.

This sort of situation has taken place quite a few times. The question, as with "why aren't invoices paid sooner?", is why? Doctors get into the field with a lot of passion and are frustrated themselves with a bad system? Doctors get into the field just for the money and couldn't care less about patients unless they're dying? I only convinced of one thing, that each doctor has their own approach, and that the approach isn't managed very well by the educational system that trains them as well as the management system that hires and pays them. Write in with your thoughts, readers.

Welcome to California

Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to California. Land of sunshine, movie stars and great weather.

Don't get me wrong, this is a great state, but there are a few funny things about it aside from the obviously ludicrous real estate prices.

The first thing one may notice is that approximately one out of every ten trucks (sometimes the ratio is more like 1:5) has higher than factory clearance from its wheels. Put simply, if you own a crazy ass jacked up truck, California is for you. Okay, but what the hell?

I've known off roaders. Typically those serious about off roading buy a beat up 1968 Range Rover or a brand new Jeep Rubicon (or a Hummer if you have the bucks to spare) and dissapear for a weekend, returning caked in mud. But an F350 towering eight feet off the ground is really more like a teenager with ten swatches on each arm in the 1980s; a show off. You might as well buy yourself a civic and dress it up like the low riders in Cars if you want that sort of attention.

Frankly, people can certainly do whatever they want to do. I don't object. I just find it funny that coming from a state that reveres trucks above just about any other vehicle (Texas), California is filled with trucks dressed up more for show than anything else. But that is a part of a larger California trait. A greater ratio of people here value looking cool, whether or not they actually are. Fascinating.

50% done with the Fruit of the Loom theme. That will be the next post. I swear.

Therapy for a midlife crisis

I have a redo the "Intangibles" title for white so in the meantime a simple category assignment in Typepad will suffice. Check the menu bar to the left to see all the Intangibles.

There comes a time in a person (man or woman)'s life when they realize that they serve others far more than they serve themselves. At that point a number of things happen, and one of the most general behaviors that take place is that person forgets how to have fun themselves.

This doesn't mean they don't experience joy. Joy with their own children, watching them grow, joy at others' happy experiences. But their own life is but one small reward after another that is perhaps a small amount of time on their own, which is usually only spent to recuperate from the servitude of others, whether it is a full time job spent in an office or raising children.

Oftentimes hope for one's personal goals vanish during this period, and when children grow old enough to mange themselves far more and time becomes more available, a midlife crisis erupts, in which this person realizes their time has come at last. For men, it can mean hair replacement and a new car. For women, decorating a house, getting into a more social environment such as dancing any number of groups. The adult is free at last in their own limited way, but at least there is freedom.

This is an illusion. There is always freedom, it just must be measured as a value and placed into one's daily life. I think this is why one of the most stern recommendations by other parents when we had our children was to "get a babysitter", which has happened only twice in three years here in San Diego. It's a good recommendation. Find the time to spend for yourself, not doing things for others, when the time is available, even if you are at work. Responsibility of course must be in consideration first, but not to the exclusion of the self.

Self reflection and action is what will stop a midlife crisis, whether it means a babysitter or just plain getting out into the world and exploring; meeting people and going new places.

Is nostalgia dangerous?

For the last ten years it seems as though the things that bring peace of mind are things from the past. This has led to the conclusion that feeling happiness as an adult is different from when one is young. This is very startling conclusion but it demands a bit more analysis before making a sweeping general comment as I am often guilty of. Let's break the conclusion down.

I will begin with one of the many physical things that I associate with happiness. Living in San Diego I look at many palm trees. I like them, and upon cursory thought I can conclude that I first saw them in Savannah, Georgia as a boy, and they were fascinating because they were unlike any other plant I had ever seen. Now that I am in San Diego and there are thousands of them, I look at them and get a feeling of comfort and satisfaction. However it is not entirely because of my memories of Savannah and later Florida. The reason for this is because some palm trees I'm not too fond of. Specifically, the Queen Palm, or Syagrus Romanzoffiana, which is the most common palm here. To me it looks like the "weed" of the palm family, but that's me. For father's day last year Jeanette and Nicholas got me two encyclopedias on palms, and I enjoy reading about them. Therefore, my interest of the past has grown and matured, becoming a satisfying interest of adulthood.

I suppose the startling aspects are that I don't remember places with the same level of connection that I did growing up. Any number of places would generate various strong undefineable emotions, whereas now, I've seen just about every type of environment once, and my mind has grown numb, so generating excitement about simple things is difficult.

Having said all this, perhaps the greatest new feelings are generated from my son. Watching the things he does brings it all back in a completely new way. I have stepped out of myself as a child and am observing as an adult. It is one of the true joys of parenthood.

To conclude, I do focus too much on nostalgia, but the solution is to hold a celebration once in awhile to honor those things, but not dwell on them on a daily basis.

Branding: A Case Study

"Intangibles" is turning out to be a common post category. Mind you, intangibles are what occupy more of my time than other things oddly enough, so that might explain why.

This month's is about branding. I remember certain brands in my childhood for different reasons. For example, in the bathtub I remember the word "Moen", as there wasn't much to look at and it was the only word nearby, so it sticks in the mind. In addition, saying the word while soaking in the tub is a bit relaxing. I guarantee that saying "Moen" softly to yourself will prove more relaxing than saying "Price Pfister." The same memory / brand recognition goes for "American Standard". If you stare at a word as often as you do nature's work, it goes without saying (though I'm saying it anyway) that you will remember it.